April 20, 2010 at 2:16 pm Leave a comment

…my point.  That is what a complete group of strangers, all strewn about different tables at Starbucks did for me this weekend.  Let me start at the beginning.

In my life I have been described multiple times, by multiple people in multiple situations as being 3 things: highly introverted, carefully spoken and choosey about who I let into my life.  There was a period, a few years back, where I think I pushed back against these things.  For some reason (I think I know why) I thought there was something wrong with me for being so serious all the time, for waiting to say something because I wanted to be careful, mull it over or whatever.  I got over that.  I am who I am and I make no apologies for it.  I don’t think I’m a mean-spirited or inconsiderate person.  I don’t think I come off as cold.  As a matter of fact, I think those who really know me appreciate these qualities. 

When we first moved to Tennessee, I thought that ultimately I needed to make friends but I enjoyed not knowing anyone.  I enjoyed not knowing their ‘stuff’ because it made it easy to meet them with no pre-formed judgements or information that was none of my business.  I enjoyed them not knowing anything about me…I would share what I wanted with whom I wanted and trusted.  By year 3 I was over the whole thing and I knew that I didn’t want to be friends with many of the women I had come into contact with.  The bottom line is I can’t stand gossip and I can’t stand my name being in someone else’s mouth that it doesn’t belong in.

Back to Starbucks this weekend.  We woke up Saturday morning and my neighbor called to inform me that he thinks he found a bookshelf I would like at a yard sale.  After getting Tim to agree to take me there we stopped by for a coffee for him (his perk for making the trip).  I stood there, waiting inside of Starbucks for my tea.  Tim had left for the van already and I had nothing to do but observe what was going on around me.  There were 3 tables of ladies sitting there, having Saturday coffee with their girlfriends.  What a lovely thing for them I thought.  Then I listened.  Each.and.every.table was having a conversation about another lady who wasn’t there with them.  The listeners were completely engrossed and the talkers were full of step by step details of what had happened.  None of them were saying, “she is the sweetest thing”, “I just love her”, or “what an incredible gardener she is”.  They were all gossiping.  All discussing everything the missing lady had done wrong.  They were proving my point.

Those ladies are the reason I’m so choosey about who comes and who goes in my life.  Women are mean to each other.  They have a tendency to be unforgiving.  They have a tendency to only see their perspective.  And when they don’t like something you’ve done, they have a tendency to talk about it to every Sally, Sue and Stacy they can find instead of coming to you with an open heart.  If I sound bitter, I’m really not.  I’ve just had it with the way women treat each other.  I’ve had it with being 41 years old and seeing that not much has changed since middle school.  Girls are mean to girls.

I’m raising a girl and this weekend we’re going to the Secret Keeper Girl conference.  It will hopefully plant more seeds in her of how she can be strong in the Lord, self-confident and not too worried about what others think/say of her.  In the end I think we all need to know who we are and find a place where we’re comfortable with it.  My name is Jill, I’m highly introverted, carefully spoken and extremely choosey about who enters my world.


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See this… 13 minutes…

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