…a bit more of a journey this time; the losing weight thing. See, every other time I wanted to lose weight I was younger and had just had a baby or had never lost the baby weight. It was fairly easy to see the weight come off. I counted points, I exercised, it came off. Now, at one month away from 40 and with a thyroid issue that seems to ebb and flow with the tides it is much more difficult. I am doing well with all of my “tasks” as far as exercising and counting the points and I do feel good. I definitely know that my body feels better and I’m more focused on what I put in it in terms of types of food. I’ve been an organic girl for so long….I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about choosing a yogurt instead of a handful of cheez-its when I get hungry in the afternoon.
Anyway, I digress. Through this process being more difficult it creates a need for more soul-searching. I refuse to let my weight and the rate of weight loss determine how I feel about myself, my life, etc. I know that the Lord sees me as this amazing miracle, beautiful and in His image so I am not having beauty issues. I know my husband thinks I look fabulous so I’m not having lack of sexy issues. I know my body feels good so I’m not having lethargic issues. Here are my two issues:
- Is this weight my new normal? Is this just where my body is happy sitting now that it is a little older and battling it’s thyroid? I don’t know the answer to this. I am going to keep doing what I know to do and in the process I am going to try to wrap my brain around the possibility that the weight may need to be accepted and I may just need to work this hard at it the rest of my life.
- How do I allow my desire to control my weight and my desire for a creative life to co-exist? It’s no secret that I love to cook and I love to bake. It’s such a part of my life. Fortunately other than the baking I am a healthy cook. I take time in preparing my meals and making sure they are balanced and healthy and I can live with portion control (I’ve discovered this is definitely an issue for me…portion control). I really believe I can change my habits into emphasizing portion control. But how do I incorporate baking into my life? I don’t eat a lot of what I bake but I do eat it. With my points allotment, and the possible fact that I will need to live in that the rest of my life, there is NO room for any treats. I can’t live with that. I want to enjoy my life. I want to bake because it brings me such joy and calm and it’s a dream I always had for my children: a mom that bakes yummy things. It is part of this creative life I want to live. This is my biggest quandry. The practical person in my can deal with everything else. I just don’t quite know how to deal with this part.
So there it is. The journey I am taking right now and the things I am trying to figure out. It’s at this time I’m glad that I don’t tend to be an overly emotional person because I have a feeling this could send a lot of people into tailspins.
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