It’s becoming…

January 24, 2009 at 3:22 pm 3 comments

…a bit more of  a journey this time; the losing weight thing.  See, every other time I wanted to lose weight I was younger and had just had a baby or had never lost the baby weight.  It was fairly easy to see the weight come off.  I counted points, I exercised, it came off.  Now, at one month away from 40 and with a thyroid issue that seems to ebb and flow with the tides it is much more difficult.  I am doing well with all of my “tasks” as far as exercising and counting the points and I do feel good.  I definitely know that my body feels better and I’m more focused on what I put in it in terms of types of food.  I’ve been an organic girl for so long….I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about choosing a yogurt instead of a handful of cheez-its when I get hungry in the afternoon.

Anyway, I digress.  Through this process being more difficult it creates a need for more soul-searching.  I refuse to let my weight and the rate of weight loss determine how I feel about myself, my life, etc.  I know that the Lord sees me as this amazing miracle, beautiful and in His image so I am not having beauty issues.  I know my husband thinks I look fabulous so I’m not having lack of sexy issues.  I know my body feels good so I’m not having lethargic issues.  Here are my two issues:

  • Is this weight my new normal?  Is this just where my body is happy sitting now that it is a little older and battling it’s thyroid?  I don’t know the answer to this.  I am going to keep doing what I know to do and in the process I am going to try to wrap my brain around the possibility that the weight may need to be accepted and I may just need to work this hard at it the rest of my life. 
  • How do I allow my desire to control my weight and my desire for a creative life to co-exist?  It’s no secret that I love to cook and I love to bake.  It’s such a part of my life.  Fortunately other than the baking I am a healthy cook.  I take time in preparing my meals and making sure they are balanced and healthy and I can live with portion control (I’ve discovered this is definitely an issue for me…portion control).  I really believe I can change my habits into emphasizing portion control.  But how do I incorporate baking into my life?  I don’t eat a lot of what I bake but I do eat it.  With my points allotment, and the possible fact that I will need to live in that the rest of my life, there is NO room for any treats.  I can’t live with that.  I want to enjoy my life.  I want to bake because it brings me such joy and calm and it’s a dream I always had for my children: a mom that bakes yummy things.  It is part of this creative life I want to live.  This is my biggest quandry.  The practical person in my can deal with everything else.  I just don’t quite know how to deal with this part.

So there it is.  The journey I am taking right now and the things I am trying to figure out.  It’s at this time I’m glad that I don’t tend to be an overly emotional person because I have a feeling this could send a lot of people into tailspins.

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Here… OK…

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. DeAnna T  |  January 24, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Wow, that was deep. And I know the thoughts you are having. It’s a battle everyday. I think you continue to live healthy like you already do be aware of your weight but live life! If you want to bake then bake. Be aware of all the baking you eat it doesn’t mean you have to stop but just by being aware I think will help and make you more conscious of what you are doing. It’s not like you are a SAHM sitting on the couch eating your brownies all day watching tv. You are moving, going places, tending to the details that is important too, keep on moving. Who knows what your body is doing but just keep fueling it with healthy foods, throw in the yummy sweet and there you go.

    Reply
  • 2. gretchenowens  |  January 25, 2009 at 12:28 am

    wow…that was deep! i love how you can be totally true to yourself & your feelings. you are so good at that.

    i say that thyroid issues suck…and you have always eaten REALLY well since i have known you…so keep your bake on FOR SURE!

    not only do your children love your baking…your friends do, too! 🙂

    Reply
  • 3. Tricia Wilson  |  January 25, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Bake away Bakearella! I don’t think you have to give up the occasional treat. What kind of life would that be? If it turns out that everything you are currently doing is just enough to maintain your weight, when you do indulge with the sweets you will have to add in extra exercise to burn off those calories. That way you can enjoy a treat every now and again but not have to pay for it on the scale.
    Keep it up, you are doing a great job. Your state of mind and focus are really good too!

    Reply

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