I’ve been thinking…

February 21, 2008 at 3:00 pm 5 comments

….alot about friendships lately.  If you are reading this and you are living in a place where your friendships are all around you and have been for years, you are a blessed person.  Don’t take it for granted.

Friendships are hard to come by, at least the good ones are.  Friendships that are able to be comfortable enough for you to go there, to really go there with a person and not be afraid of what the other person is thinking.  I am fortunate enough to have some very good friends in my life; and they aren’t seasonal friends.  I’ve had good seasonal friends (the ones that are just there for a while but while they are it’s great) and I am grateful for them.  But I’m talking about the friends that as time has passed you know will be there for the rest of your life.  I’m not talking about family, those types of friendships are completely different.  I miss my sisters every day but somehow they are so integrated into who I am I don’t really think of them as friends.

Which brings me to my next point.  The commitment of friendship.  I had a counselor one time do a personality study on me.  He said that I scored the highest he had ever seen on what it takes for a person to let you in and on commitment.  I thought that was crazy.  Basically he said, and I quote: “tell your friends to feel tremendously proud of themselves because it takes a lot for you to let someone all the way in but when you do, they’re in for life.”  When he put it that way, I agreed.  I take the commitment of friendship very seriously.  If you need me, I’m going to be there.  I’m going to call you to make sure we don’t drift apart and I’m not going to offend easily by you because I know you love me and anything done that hurt me was most likely inadvertant and I realize you’re not perfect.

I left so many good girlfriends two and a half years ago when I moved.  It’s clear to me now who was a seasonal friend and who is sticking like glue (it’s pretty much who I thought before I moved).  Do you mind?

tricia.jpg

Crazy what this woman has become in my life and crazy what she has seen.  Truly me at my ugliest moments.  I had a lot of people in my life when Tim was sick and they were wonderful to me.  Tricia was my girl that I could cry with snot flying and say ugly things that were running through my mind.  She was always able to listen, no judgement and sage advice included.  She knows it, but God uses this woman in my life…really uses her to speak to me.  I love her with my whole heart and am so grateful to know her intimately.  She is my soul sister.

deanna.jpg

And then there is DeAnna.  Funny and smart as a whip.  DeAnna tells it to me straight when I need to hear it and can pray down Heaven like you can’t believe.  I love this woman.  I love that even though we don’t talk every week I know that if I needed her, she’d be on the next plane out (I hope she knows that works in reverse).  I’ve watched her life transform and cheered as she began to soar beyond what she thought her life would be.  This woman has depth and loyalty (don’t cross her or those she loves).

I don’t have a picture of Pam on my computer.  But Pam is almost like the younger sister I never had.  But she is also a peer and a great friend.  Pam is the first person I broke down with after Tim as diagnosed and I’ll never forget the way she held me (on the floor), let me cry and didn’t say a word for something like 20 minutes.  She just held me and let me know she was there.  It makes me cry now.  I love Pam; she is mellow and easy to be around. 

I am here now, in Tennessee and they are all still in California.  I am making friends but it has been difficult.  I don’t like surface friendship.  Don’t have the time for it, don’t like it, never have.  So again, if you’re reading this and you’re surrounded by your friends, consider yourself truly blessed.  Friendships are hard to come by and they take time to build.  The good ones will make you cry until tears run down your face and wipe them up when they’re paired with pain.  Hold on to them; don’t forget to call and to make time for them.  Friendships are a commitment that you have to keep and you have to nurture.

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Ahhh! A bit of…

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Amber Ulmer  |  February 21, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    Jill,
    I too understand what you mean… I can probably count on 1 hand the number of deep friendships I have and it is mostly my fault… falling out of touch… losing that connection… thank you for inspiriing me to be a better friend! Have a blessed day! xoxo

    Reply
  • 2. fran  |  February 21, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    beautifully written….

    Reply
  • 3. gretchen  |  February 22, 2008 at 12:07 am

    love this…so sweet….totally true about having not forgetting to call them and to make time for them…

    Reply
  • 4. Tricia  |  February 22, 2008 at 2:10 am

    Ahhh, thanks. Imagine my surprise seeing my big ole’ mug staring back at me! Very sweet though, thank you. To all of the stuff about friendship I say AMEN! I know EXACTLY what you mean about seasonal friends, liflong friends. And I still think you suck for moving. ;0)

    Reply
  • 5. Lisa  |  February 25, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    I love that you are teaching destressing to your children. Kudos to you 🙂
    The glasses are adorable on her 🙂

    Reply

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