I found…

…it!  My mojo!  My scrappin’ mojo came back today!  Yay!  It was the first time in a long time that it wasn’t a struggle to create something.  I’m so glad.  I think the fact that Kaitlynn was playing at a friends, Tim was off and the boys were contentedly playing with him had a lot to do with it….quiet!

This was the first one…super simple but it got the juices flowing:

I love, love, love the photo of Powell so it was fun to do something with it.  I took it months ago at one of his cross country meets and was so struck by how “old” he is becoming.  Next I moved onto this one because as I was looking through photos I noticed a theme.

I could have done a mosaic with photos like these if I’d of looked any longer.  But I didn’t; I figured three was enough.  Finally, there was this last one (hey, three layouts in 2 hours was nothing to be unhappy about)….another photo I loved.  I was really excited about this layout until I stamped the title on there.  I did it two different ways and then finally realized I needed to call it done and see if it grew on me.  If not, I’ll fix it later (again).

 

So now I’m off to pick up Kaitlynn and then come home to a delicious meal my sweet husband made.  He wanted to give me a day off of cooking and had a new recipe he wanted to try.  He braised a beef roast and has been slow cooking it for the last four hours.  I can smell it and it smells sooooo good.  Right now he’s making a gigantic salad.  Oh, and he conned my mom into making garlic cheese grits to go with it all….yum!  Don’t you wish you could eat at my house tonight?

OK…

…1.5 pound loss this week bringing my total to 6.5 so far.  It was a little rough this week because my mom moved in for a while.  Her room just happens to be the room where my elliptical is which makes it difficult to get my exercise in first thing in the morning (she sleeps late and by then I’m in the middle of work, kids, etc.).  I promise for more later…hoping to get some scrappy things done today!

It’s becoming…

…a bit more of  a journey this time; the losing weight thing.  See, every other time I wanted to lose weight I was younger and had just had a baby or had never lost the baby weight.  It was fairly easy to see the weight come off.  I counted points, I exercised, it came off.  Now, at one month away from 40 and with a thyroid issue that seems to ebb and flow with the tides it is much more difficult.  I am doing well with all of my “tasks” as far as exercising and counting the points and I do feel good.  I definitely know that my body feels better and I’m more focused on what I put in it in terms of types of food.  I’ve been an organic girl for so long….I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about choosing a yogurt instead of a handful of cheez-its when I get hungry in the afternoon.

Anyway, I digress.  Through this process being more difficult it creates a need for more soul-searching.  I refuse to let my weight and the rate of weight loss determine how I feel about myself, my life, etc.  I know that the Lord sees me as this amazing miracle, beautiful and in His image so I am not having beauty issues.  I know my husband thinks I look fabulous so I’m not having lack of sexy issues.  I know my body feels good so I’m not having lethargic issues.  Here are my two issues:

• Is this weight my new normal?  Is this just where my body is happy sitting now that it is a little older and battling it’s thyroid?  I don’t know the answer to this.  I am going to keep doing what I know to do and in the process I am going to try to wrap my brain around the possibility that the weight may need to be accepted and I may just need to work this hard at it the rest of my life. 
• How do I allow my desire to control my weight and my desire for a creative life to co-exist?  It’s no secret that I love to cook and I love to bake.  It’s such a part of my life.  Fortunately other than the baking I am a healthy cook.  I take time in preparing my meals and making sure they are balanced and healthy and I can live with portion control (I’ve discovered this is definitely an issue for me…portion control).  I really believe I can change my habits into emphasizing portion control.  But how do I incorporate baking into my life?  I don’t eat a lot of what I bake but I do eat it.  With my points allotment, and the possible fact that I will need to live in that the rest of my life, there is NO room for any treats.  I can’t live with that.  I want to enjoy my life.  I want to bake because it brings me such joy and calm and it’s a dream I always had for my children: a mom that bakes yummy things.  It is part of this creative life I want to live.  This is my biggest quandry.  The practical person in my can deal with everything else.  I just don’t quite know how to deal with this part.

So there it is.  The journey I am taking right now and the things I am trying to figure out.  It’s at this time I’m glad that I don’t tend to be an overly emotional person because I have a feeling this could send a lot of people into tailspins.

Here…

…we go again!  Weigh-in Wednesday.  Let me just say my number doesn’t surprise me and I’m not in the least bit upset about it.  I am exactly the same as I was two weeks ago.  At one point I went up a pound and a half and then lost it again.  I think that is why I don’t feel disappointed.  I feel like the 4.5 pounds so far is true weight loss.  I had a tough week last week with starting back at work and Tim’s mess at work and other things that I just don’t know I want to blog about.  At any rate, I lost my focus and while I didn’t completely fall off the wagon I found myself not eating enough and then not taking the time to prepare the most nutritionally packed food when I did finally eat.  So, I don’t feel like I overate but I feel like I lost focus and used flex points and really, I can’t use flex points.  It doesn’t work for me.  Never has.

So here I go into week three and I’m sure it will be a successful week.  I am shooting for two pounds.  We’ll see!    In the meantime, I’m really glad for a 4.5 pound loss so far.  It’s 4.5 pounds off and that isn’t anything to snub your nose at.

Because I…

…do read my friend’s blog.  Here you go DeAnna:

(the ones in bold are ones I have done)

1. Started your own blog (obviously)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (ok, so it was the flute but it was a band)
4. Visited Hawaii (way too long ago)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Held a praying mantis
9. Climbed a mountain (with one lung mind you)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (Junior year in HS…McDonald’s chicken sandwich)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables (remember the orchard?  Kick butt garden there)
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked (surprise!)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping (surprise again!)
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (if you call it singing)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight (the night Tim proposed)
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing (uh, hello, I lived in Alaska)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud (mudpies anyone?)
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (again, I lived in Alaska)
88. Had chickenpox (at 23 years old!)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury (hit and run)
91. Met someone famous (but not Keith)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100.Read an entire book in one day

I promise…

…I am not flaking out on Weigh-in Wednesday.  I’m just giving myself grace this week.  I did a great job with my exercise regime this past week and I did a very good job with my points.  I didn’t go over the limit but I did use more flex points than I had originally thought I would.  It got hard right around Friday for me but I did stick with it!  I’m totally missing my Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate but you know what?  That puppy is 8 points (I only get 20 a day)!

Anyway, this is where the grace comes in.  A little friend came to visit me this morning.  This little friend was about three or four days late so it was a great relief (hormonally speaking).  My mind is calming down and I’m beginning to feel a little more balanced now.  At any rate, being that it is Weigh-in Wednesday but also the first day of said visit, I am not weighing myself.  Grace won.  I just know that the number won’t be true and I don’t want to get discouraged because I did have a really good week as far as discipline and self-control go.  So, next Wednesday I will post my next number.  This Wednesday I will practice self-love and skip it.

It’s time…

…for some pictures!  The last two posts were word heavy so here we go (in light of my Project 365)….

This one, just because I like it (although I could apparently use an upper lip).

This one just because I always show you my food.  They are homemade wontons that I made soup out of and fried.  Soooo yummy and I was a good girl.  I only ate two of the fried ones and I had the points to do it!

This one because he was soooo annoyed when I took this picture at 7:00 am on the first day back to school but you could never tell because he’s laughing (he just has to pretend he’s annoyed because he’s 12).

Then there is this one which doesn’t look like much but makes me laugh.  You see, on Sunday when we were driving home from lunch after church the kids were being super silly and super loud.  They did not listen to repeated requests to settle down.  We then pulled over about 1/2 mile from home and kicked them all out and told them to walk home.  Guess what?  When they got home they were still very happy but far less noisy.

This one because he just looks so sweet and he got a haircut yesterday and well, who can resist Floyd?

This one because I think it’s so cute they have the same glasses (almost).  And by the way, this little girl’s daddy is in Iraq…for the third time.…he’s been there since February and is coming back in February.  Please pray he makes it home safely.

And finally this one because it’s fairly random.  It’s a pencil gripper.  It is in fact so random that one would never, ever think that one’s eight-year old girl-child could accidently swallow one just like  it while at school, right?  uhh….think again.

The one where…

…I talk about weight.  That’s right.  Weight.  (deep, deep breaths)

About seven years back Tricia and I embarked on a get healthy journey.  We counted points, we diligently worked out five days a week at 5:30 am and we were pretty smokin’ hot mommas.  I remember feeling really good in my body.  I remember picking heavy things up at the store or around the house and it was easy.  I remember running 5k’s knowing that I only have one lung and feeling so proud of myself.  I remember laying on my side sleeping and not caring if Tim spooned me and put his hand on my belly because none of it was hanging down. 

For three years I maintained my weight and my working out and then I adopted my sweet little Kati-cat.  My sweet girl who would freak out if she woke up and I wasn’t in the house.  So I put myself on the back burner (without realizing it) and cut out the 5:30 am workouts.  By then Tricia had moved on so it was easy to get away with not showing up.  I told myself I would go after I got the kids to school in the morning but that rarely happened because other tasks always took priority.  Then I moved across the country and couldn’t find a gym so I stopped trying at all.  Then I got an elliptical and started again but really half-heartedly and not the way I knew I should.  Then my thyroid freaked out on me.  I got put on medication, lost about 15 pounds and then went up and down and up and down while they kept adjusting the dose.  The most recent adjustment equaled 10 pounds in five weeks.  It’s my final dose.

Then I got fed up.

I just came to the realization that I will be forty in less than two months and it won’t get any easier to drop the weight.  It was/is time to get focused.  So I’ve gone back to basics.  I’m doing what I know works.  I’m getting up and working out at 6:30 am while Powell gets ready for school and before Alden and Kaitlynn wake up.  No excuses.  I’m counting my points and using portion control.  After only four days my body and mind already feel so much better.  Every night I feel victorious.  This isn’t a New Years Resolution; it’s just a coincidence that I hit my DONE button right around the first of the year. 

So here’s the deal: I’m doing Weigh-In Wednesdays a la Donna Downey.  I’m putting it out there and being real.  I want the accountability and I need the encouragement because at some point, the numbers will slow down and I’ll probably feel like giving up.

The goal: to be 140 by my 40th birthday.  Now, this will be on March 6th and honestly, if I hit 145 I’ll be super happy.  Really, it just sounds good to say 140 by my 40th.  The doctor says my ideal weight for age, having given birth two times, thyroid, body type, etc. is 140-145 and that I shouldn’t go below 135.  OK, so here goes:

I weighed 160 when I began.  Yep, 160.  The weight I was when I started with Tricia was 162 and that is the biggest I’ve ever been outside of being pregnant or post-labor. 

Today I weigh 156.5.  4.5 pounds in my first week!!  I’m a happy girl.  I’m going to keep going and I’m going to be happy for every pound; even those weeks when it is .5 because my body freaks out and hits a plateau.  Most importantly, I am going to feel better and be healthier.

Now I’m just trying to muster up the courage to hit “Publish” on the sidebar….

A capable…

…girl.  That’s me.  All my life that word has been used to describe me.  What a boring word to have associated with your name your entire life, eh?  I think it all started with a story my mother tells fairly often.  She says that when I was born and the nurse brought me around for my mother to see that my head wasn’t flailing around like a typical newborn.  She says that I was holding it up and looking right directly into her eyes.  Then she says she could have sworn she heard me say, “Here I am.  What the hell are you gonna do now?”  She then responded, out loud, “Well, there you are” and she says I was full steam ahead from that point on.

My mother (and father and step-mother) says that my whole life I entertained myself, kept my room cleaned without being asked, did homework without being asked, took myself to ballet class on the public bus system in grammar school, was ironing by the age of 8, cooking by 9, you get the picture.  A very capable girl.

At times I have wondered if this capability was a product of necessity or just the way God created me.  At this point in time, I don’t care.  It’s who I am (I guess).  I am not intentionally capable.  My response to situations just tends to be a practical approach with a get it done attitude.  I can’t stand things hanging over my head so I’d rather just get it done and be able to move on.  Honestly, there isn’t anything that I really don’t think I could do if I put my mind to it.  There are things I don’t want to do and that I know will be difficult for me but in the end, I have the basic belief in myself that I can do anything I try to do if I just try long enough.  So again, at this point in time, I don’t care if it’s nature or nurture but there is a new revelation associated with this.  Ready?  When you are a capable person, people think you don’t want them to do things for you.  Being a capable person can actually make your life more difficult.

Here is what I’m talking about.  My internal message of, “I think I can fix this” prohibits me from taking electronics into repair shops.  This year alone I fixed our X-box, stereo and Kitchen Aid mixer.  But this leads to a problem.  My elliptical machine makes an excrutiatingly loud sound when I’m on it at 6:30 am.  You know when you’re driving down the road and something is rattling in the back seat and it drives you crazy?  Put that on about level 27.  Not what you want to wake up to.  Well, because I fix things without thinking about it my husband doesn’t respond to the excrutiatingly loud sound and grease the machine for me.  I don’t think he does it maliciously I think it just doesn’t register with him that I want him to do it.    Another case in point: at just about any planning meeting I attend it is assumed that I will pick up all the administrative and creative tasks.  Administrative because they all say, “well you’re so organized” and creative because they know I’ll get it done on time.  What is that?  Just because other people are slackers and don’t get things done to the best of their ability and on time it falls to the capable girl?  Did anyone ever think that just because I can do it doesn’t mean that I want to do it?

Dont’ get me wrong.  I am not a ‘yes’ girl.  I dropped that label a few years back and I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.  I’m done overextending myself and my schedule.  I’m not really sure what the point of this whole thing is except that I came to the realization that if you appear capable no one offers to help you.  That is fine in some cases because sometimes you just need to be on your own (or want to be) but when it’s a broad sweep across your life it’s a little annoying.  Yes, I will go on being Capable Girl but somewhere, somehow, I will find it in me to get that elliptical greased without doing it myself, to appear a little less eager to do everything for myself and let someone else assess my need and meet it and maybe, just maybe I’ll visit a repair shop or God forbid, replace a broken item with a new one.

Happy New Year!

Not usually one to make a big deal of the new year but I did want to wish you all a happy one.  It seems after this past year in the world and in my life I am looking for a newness and excited to see what the Lord has planned.  So, not much to this post for now…just enjoying the kids home and Tim off work for the week so I’ll come up with a better post next time.    For now, well wishes from Alden and I (last night as we celebrated New Years…just the two of us…Baby, it was cold outside).